I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
