Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
