planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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