you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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