Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
