Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
