OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
