as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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