could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
