I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
