I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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