im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.