ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
