Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
