either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
