I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Randomize
