he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
