It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
