I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
