Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
