Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
