so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
