Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
