I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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