What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
