I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
