omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
