My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
