Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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