Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
