matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
