Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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