You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
