The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
