someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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