We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
