yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
