my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
