Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
