Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
