he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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