Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize