Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
