So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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