i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
