You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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