Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
