I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
