this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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