so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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