When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if only i could text you this smell
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
