I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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