The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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