my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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