Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
