I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
