Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
