Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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