New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
