I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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