It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
