That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
