I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
