Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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