Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize