one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
