Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
