Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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