my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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