just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
