Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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