I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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