You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
