i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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