I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
