If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
