I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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