So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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