Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
