youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
